Monday, March 21, 2011

A Taylor Swift song that starts with "Dear" comes to mind...

I've come to realize that I was a fool. A fool to think we'd be anything more than friends. I use the term "friends" loosely. We don't talk. We don't hang out. I don't trust you. I usually don't have friends that break my heart then don't even care. But I guess I made an exception with you. I thought that maybe someday we would be more than friends. That was a dream. Not even the kind of dream that gives you rest, more like a nightmare, the kind that you wake up crying then go back to sleep and have the same nightmare. Over and Over. Like a ride you just want to get off of but the end doesn't seem in sight. Like the ride will never end. But I'm deciding to jump off this ride. Maybe before the good part comes, the part that makes the bad parts seem worth it. But with you, there is no good parts. No end to the bad parts. I've cried myself to sleep too many times to keep torturing myself like this. I don't need to and I don't want to. I've tried and tried with you. Given you time. Given you "space". Been the sweet understanding girl who will "always" be there. But not any more. I deserve to be wanted as much as I wanted you. I deserve to be thought about and dreamed of. I deserve better that the few scraps of your time that you were generous enough to give to me. I don't hate you. I hate how you made me feel. Whether it was intentional or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I told you how you were making me feel and you choose to ignore how I was feeling. You didn't choose me. Maybe if you're lucky I will want you in my life again, but you are going to have to work and fight and never give up for that to happen. I know you wont. Whenever I see Tangled I'll think of you. Whenever I wear that shirt I made with your name on it, I'll think of you. Whenever I put on the necklace you gave me, I'll think of you. Maybe I'll cry. But I hope I smile. Because even though you broke my heart. I still liked you. More than you know. Hopefully someday you'll genuinely care, instead of just pretending.