Foot in mouth...

I have learned the principle of not getting upset before you know all the facts this past week. It's humbled me and made me feel like a complete jerk.... It's a good lesson to learn though...

Long Time, No write.

I've been busy. Since my last post, I've changed a lot. A lot has happened. I got a job (much to my grandparents dismay) and I've started school once again. Like I said, I've been busy. A few posts ago I talked about how I WILL learn how to cook. Well guess whose working on that goal! I've made crepes and this yummy pasta dish. I'm going to start taking pictures and posting them here of the ones that turn out well, and the ones that didn't. Maybe I'll even post the recipe. You know me, I am sometimes forgetful. So we'll see how that goes.
ANYWAYS....
The reason I'm posting is because I believe if you write something down, it's more likely to happen. I have some goals for the semester (things I want to cross off my bucket list). So here they are:
1) Learn how to change a tire and change my oil
2) Read Atlas Shrugged (I've already started it)
3) Kiss in the rain
4) Lose 10 lbs (not on my bucket list but still important)

Alright. Now I just gotta get to work :)

A Taylor Swift song that starts with "Dear" comes to mind...

I've come to realize that I was a fool. A fool to think we'd be anything more than friends. I use the term "friends" loosely. We don't talk. We don't hang out. I don't trust you. I usually don't have friends that break my heart then don't even care. But I guess I made an exception with you. I thought that maybe someday we would be more than friends. That was a dream. Not even the kind of dream that gives you rest, more like a nightmare, the kind that you wake up crying then go back to sleep and have the same nightmare. Over and Over. Like a ride you just want to get off of but the end doesn't seem in sight. Like the ride will never end. But I'm deciding to jump off this ride. Maybe before the good part comes, the part that makes the bad parts seem worth it. But with you, there is no good parts. No end to the bad parts. I've cried myself to sleep too many times to keep torturing myself like this. I don't need to and I don't want to. I've tried and tried with you. Given you time. Given you "space". Been the sweet understanding girl who will "always" be there. But not any more. I deserve to be wanted as much as I wanted you. I deserve to be thought about and dreamed of. I deserve better that the few scraps of your time that you were generous enough to give to me. I don't hate you. I hate how you made me feel. Whether it was intentional or not, it doesn't matter anymore. I told you how you were making me feel and you choose to ignore how I was feeling. You didn't choose me. Maybe if you're lucky I will want you in my life again, but you are going to have to work and fight and never give up for that to happen. I know you wont. Whenever I see Tangled I'll think of you. Whenever I wear that shirt I made with your name on it, I'll think of you. Whenever I put on the necklace you gave me, I'll think of you. Maybe I'll cry. But I hope I smile. Because even though you broke my heart. I still liked you. More than you know. Hopefully someday you'll genuinely care, instead of just pretending.

Back in Paradise

So much has happened this week, and yet nothing at all has happened. It's weird. I made it safely to Rexburg at 7:30 pm, 1 1/2 hours before I was supposed to get there.... The traffic was light? Anyways....
When I saw the Temple from a few miles out, I got soooo excited! No joke, it was amazing. I wasn't sure what I was going to do first. See Michelle, drop Jake's stuff off, or go to my new apartment.
I decided to drop Jake's stuff off first so that my front seat would be free.
None of his roommates where home and he was in Utah.
So I decided, that since I was at Nauvoo, I'd go see 103 (after stopping at 204, no one was home!)
I got a warm welcome!
The guy who answered the door was a new roommate and went back and said,
"Hey Sterling and Danny, Shelby's here!"
and all of a sudden I hear a loud
"SHELBY?!?!?!?!?!!?"
come from Sterling and footsteps running down the hall, and was the tackled by him. It was great!
Then Soon after I hear Danny do the exact same thing.
It was good to know I was missed :)
They didn't know I was coming back for good though (they must not read my blog or facebook),
hence, the surprise.
We all sat down and visited for a bit, then decided we should all do something that night.
I was reluctant, I wanted to hang out with them.... But I was gross from traveling all day.
They didn't care.
So I called up Michelle and we all went bowling!
It was fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I beat Michelle both times, but there was NO way we could even come close to Danny and Sterling's score, it was slightly ridiculous how good they were!
After bowling I decided that I should probably go unpack.

So I said goodbye to them and headed over to my apartment.
I got the key and guess what?
It wouldn't open the freaking door!!!!!
I about broke down in tears.
I was already under a lot of pressure about my decision for coming back and that did not help!
I wasn't sure what to do.
I stood there knocking for a while and trying to open the door.
Nothing.
So I headed back to 103.
Sterling helped me calm down by helping me glue my parking sticker to my bumper (did I mention it wouldn't stick and if you don't have one your car could get towed or booted, that was the LAST thing I needed.)
Then we headed over to my apartment with his lock picking thing.
We didn't need it. Because as SOON as he touched the door knob my roommate unlocked the door. Go figure huh?
Sterling was kind enough to help me unload all of my stuff.
I had a lot. Then we went to Wendy's where we had an argument about who was going to pay.
He won.
Then we went back to his apartment and Danny, Sterling and I watched Lord of the Rings. I watched about 20 minutes of it before I started nodding off, it was after 12 and I was exhausted.
Saturday was the start of P90X.
I'm sick of all the fat comments, so I decided to do something about it.
Apparently my future posterity depends on me being thin.
Anyways...
It was a good work out, and I'm starting to see some results (After a WEEK).
So I'll stick with it :)
Most of the week I was either catching up with friends, bonding with my new roomies, exercising or doing job stuff.
Danny helped me write my resume on Tuesday.
It was so so so nice of him because he took a lot of time out to help me.
My mind has been mostly on job stuff or boy stuff.
That could be a possible alterior motive for the P90X.... Maybe.
It's been a good first week back.
Different than I expected.
But good.
We'll see what my 2nd week will bring.
Less tears, more laughter.
That would be wonderful.

New Goal

.... Ok it's an old one. But it's been re-vamped.

I
WILL
LEARN
HOW
TO
COOK!

I burnt my grilled cheese... That's pathetic. So, as soon as I get back to Rexburg, I will learn how to make REAL food. I will. Just you wait and see.

My Secret Treasure

So a friend of mine introduced me to this website. It has WONDERFUL deals on really random things. I got a really nice camcorder on it for $50 and the retail was over $200. Sweet deal in my book! Check it out. Love it. I literally check it every day at 9pm (that's when the new deals come in). Just don't buy everything ;) you'll want to!

How I'm going to go bankrupt....

Maybe if You're Lucky

You won't cry on Valentines day.
Check.

New Blog

DON'T WORRY!!!!!
This blog will still be here for me to update, this new one is just kind of... Well check it out and you'll find out ;)

The Things That Matter

Sunshine :)

I woke up this morning to a BEAUTIFUL day. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in sight! I was so excited by the beautiful weather that I got dressed and put daisy's leash on and headed out the door, we HAD to go on a walk. As we were driving down the road to the park, all of a sudden the sky darkened and the fog came out. It was like I was in a completely different place. I had been in the sunshine 10 SECONDS AGO! It wasn't good walking weather anymore, so me and Daisy headed to petco to get her a new toy and collar. As I was driving back to my house I could literally see where the sunshine ended and the clouds and gloom started. It was crazy, but I kept thinking "I'm almost in the sunshine!" Being the deep, critical thinker that I am (sarcasm) I started thinking about how that's kinda like life.
You go through cloudy days and patches of fog,but if you keep going soon you'll get to the sunshine.

I got to the sunshine and smiled.

I need thee EVERY hour

Warning: This is a long one.

Ahh, life. It has it's complications. It shakes us up and tears us apart. Often times we get so caught up in making money, going to school, getting things done, that we forget what we are really all about. I have been a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for 7 years and 101 days. In that time I've grown up. I've lost loved ones, gotten my heart broken (a few times), I've cried myself to sleep and stayed awake all night laughing with friends. I've learned so much. I've gone from a shy, awkward girl, to a woman who is finally starting to know who she is and understand where she came from. Yes... Sometimes I'm still awkward, but hey, who isn't? :)
Recently I've been coming across a few people who have been saying rude things about some members of the church that they have come across in their lifetime. Saying things about how they've been wronged by members of the church at one point or another. When confronted, I wouldn't say anything. Just sit there and listen, because, to be honest, I probably would have yelled at them.
This past Monday I was at the Sheldon's having dinner with the Missionaries. Connie and Barry where there as well. After dinner we all gathered around the couches to listen to a message from the missionaries that, to be honest, was for me. The Elder talked about how if we are to be happy, we need to CHOOSE to be happy. I have not been happy lately. At all. I'd have moments where I was happy, but to be honest, if someone said "Shelby, are you happy?" I would answer "No." There have been things going on in my life that have just been bringing me down and happiness is a rare thing these days. But when the Elder said those words, I knew he was right. It was like Heavenly Father was saying, "Shelby, I know things are hard, but you HAVE to be happy. I don't like seeing you like this. Please Shelby, Choose to be happy." So, I'm going to try my VERY HARDEST to be happy. Even when people make me angry and frustrated. I'm going to be happy.
As the Missionaries where leaving with the closing statement of "Is there anything we can do to help you?" I rose my hand (force of habit from school) and explained to them about the people at work who have been making the rude comments and it became an open discussion. Barry looked strait at me and said "Shelby, do you really not know what you should say?" I was confused, first because if I knew, I wouldn't have asked, but then I really started thinking about it, and I still had no clue. Then he said something that I don't think I'll forget. He said, "Shelby, you are a convert to the church. Obviously you haven't encountered bad people or you wouldn't be here. Remember that next time." I have literally been thinking about that since he said that.
Life has gotten to me. I've noticed that since I've been home my scripture reading has gone down and my prayers are... "Vain repetition" comes to mind... I've forgotten who I am. I am a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ. Christs one and ONLY true church on the earth. I was not born into this wonderful Gospel. I found it and choose it. I found the truth. And when Barry said that, I was a little heart broken. I had forgotten. I am in love with this Gospel, everything about it screams truth to me, and yet, when I was faced with standing up for it and sharing it's light, I completely dropped the ball. It's so easy to forget how we got to where we are.

I would not be who I am today without the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
It's truth and light makes me who I am.
I know that families can be together forever through the sealing power of the Temple.
I am not sealed to my family, but I still KNOW that someday I will have those blessings.
I know that by living the commandments and Following Prophet, Thomas S. Monson, That I, Shelby Ann Park, can return to my Father in Heaven.
I am a Daughter of God.
I know that through the Atonement I can be forgiven.
And that Jesus Christ died for me.
Sometimes I don't feel worthy of that.
But He knows I am.
He still loves me.
Always.
And He loves everyone else just as much.
Aren't we so blessed?

Pray

Ohh Ohh Ohh .. and I pray
I just cant sleep tonight.
Knowing that things aint right.
Its in the papers, its on the tv, its everywhere that I go.
Children are crying.
Soldiers are dying
Some people don't have a home
But I know there's sunshine behind that rain
I know there's good times behind that pain, hey
Can you tell me how I can make a change
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray

I lose my appetite, knowing kids starve tonight.
And when I sit up, cause my dinner is still on my plate.
Ooo I got a vision, to make a difference.
And its starting today.

Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain
I know there's good times behind that pain, hey

Haven`t tell me how I can make a change
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray
For the broken-hearted.
I pray for the life not started
I pray for all the ones not breathing.
I pray for all the souls in need.
I pray. Can you give em one today.
I just cant sleep tonight
Can someone tell how to make a change?

I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and pray
I close my eyes and I can see a better day
I close my eyes and I pray

I pray ..

I close my eyes and pray ..

Yes, I know this song is by either the most hated or the most loved 16 year old boy the World, Justin Bieber, but I think the lyrics are just amazing and I think the song is beautiful. Youtube it: Pray by Justin Bieber :) It brings me happiness.

On my mind...

Driving to and from work leaves me with PLENTY of time on my hands to thing, ponder and meditate. It's amazing what travels through your mind when you are stuck in traffic. Lately these are the things that have been on my mind:
-What I'm going to do with the rest of my life... I'm really starting to stress about what on earth my purpose is and what I would really like to do. I have no idea, maybe on the way to Rexburg I'll figure that out....
-Whether I'm doing the right thing, making the right decisions and becoming who I'm supposed to be. If the Lord would be proud of the decisions I'm making
-I want to travel and experience the world. I want to get out of this part of the country and see everything. I'm bored with what I'm doing, Life is to be enjoyed not just endured (President Gordon B. Hinkley) and right now I feel like I'm barely enduring it.
-But mostly I just think about what awaits me when I get back to Rexburg. Fun? Adventure? Excitement? I can only hope.
Good thing I have so much time to think about all of these things....

New Look

So I started to get a little bored with my look and wanted to change it. I ALWAYS get the same haircut every time and just wanted to try something new. So yesterday after work I headed over to Super Cuts in Battle Ground and got my hair cut. Nothing TOO drastic, but a change. I like it :) What do you think?

Before

Before

After

After

After! Bangs and more layers, but I didn't really get it shorter because I'm growing it out. I like it!

How many more days till Rexburg????

Jacob and Kris's Wedding

Brother and Sister Dance :)

It's a sibling kind of thing :)

They are MARRIED NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No joke! It's crazy! I am so happy I can't believe it! Here are just some pictures I took at the wedding :D I got a little "edit" happy :)

Happy New Year!

So now that the first week of 2011 is over I figured I should update my blog.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's a wonderful time of year. A time to make goals to improve ourselves through out the upcoming year, and also a time to see how we did on last years goals. Often times we don't do so well, but that's why we have the new year, so we can revamp and start over.
This year I've decided to be more brave, say what I mean and not be afraid of getting hurt. I want to have trials and tears. I wanna laugh so hard my side hurts and make memories that will last forever, because life is about living, not just letting it pass by. I'm excited to see what this year has in store and I know that my wonderful friends and family and the Lord will be there for me.

So here's to living life.
Look out 2011! It's gonna be a good year!